The Life and Pranks of Fred and George Weasley
by ecrire.claustrum
Summary: After the war, many books were written on the trio and members of the Order of the Phoenix. This is the story of Fred and George, from when they were born until the very end. No incest.
1. April 1st, 1978

**A/N: It's been a while since I last posted on here, but to me, this simply had to be done. It's a biography on Fred and George Weasleys' life. It will include the basic events (like the spider incident and the unbreakable vow) and some of my own concoction. Enjoy and review!**

**Disclaimer: The characters (along with the birthdate in the story) are all JK Rowling's. **

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When babies are born; No one is forlorn

Except for this one time

Not joy but instead; A feeling of dread

At the birth of George and Fred

-----

April 1st, 1978.

After many hours in the waiting room of St. Mungo's hospital the Weasley brothers were bored and tired. Six year old Charlie was slumped in his chair with an old, beat-up toy dragon in his hand. Eight year old Bill sat next to him with their little brother Percy fast asleep in his arms. Every so often, in between keeping an eye on his brothers, Bill would take a quick glance at the corridor. Each time he imagined his father coming from around the corner to give them the news. But it wasn't until nearly five in the morning that their father came running around the corner.

"Boys! Boys!" Arthur Weasley panted, out of breath and his glasses askew.

"Dad!" the boys exclaimed and jumped out of their seats. But poor Percy, who was still on Bill's lap at the time, tumbled to the floor.

"Oh, now see what you've done!" Arthur scolded Bill and Charlie, "I told you to look after him!" he picked up the wailing Percy and soothed him.

"Sorry, but what about mum?"

"How is she?"

"Is the baby okay?"

"Is it mutated?"

"It's a boy again, isn't it?"

"Quiet down, one at a time." Arthur said. "Mum is fine. She's in the room right now. Come and have a see."

Bill and Charlie nodded vigorously and followed their father down the corridor and into a small room. On the bed that took up most of the space lay their mother, holding a small wrapped bundle in her arms. When she saw them enter the room she gave them a tired smile.

"It's the baby!" Charlie said, awed.

"Yes, and another boy, too." Arthur let Percy down. Without another word he left the room. He came back moments later with another wrapped bundle in his arms. The boys looked at it, shocked.

"Daddy stole another baby?!" Charlie exclaimed.

Arthur laughed. "No, no. I didn't steal the baby. You see boys, you don't have one new brother. You have _two_ new brothers!"

Bill, Charlie and Percy stood there, mouths open in shock, and watched their father gently place the baby into Molly's other arm.

"Come see your new brothers." Molly whispered. The eldest Weasleys crowded around her and peered at the newborns. Both had small, very pink faces and little tuffs of red hair coming out of their heads. There were even ghostly signs of the Weasley freckles on each of their faces.

"They look exactly alike." Bill murmured.

"That's because they're twins." Molly replied.

"What are twins?" Charlie asked, extending a hand to poke one of the small arms.

"It's when two babies are born on the same day. Some look alike, like your new brothers, but others don't." Molly answered and pulled the baby's arm out of Charlie's reach.

"They're born at the exact same time?" Charlie asked, amazed.

"No, that's unpossible!" Bill rolled his eyes. "One came after the other. Like a cannonball of babies!"

But Charlie was no longer paying attention to him. He looked at the babies and wrinkled his nose. "They look all squidgy. Like a pink prune."

Bill elbowed Charlie. "Stupid, that's how all babies look like."

"Nuh-uh."

"Yeah-huh!"

"How would _you_ know, then?" Charlie asked.

"Because that's how _you_ looked like, too!" Bill replied and stuck his tongue out.

Charlie's lower lip trembled and blinked rapidly, tears threatening to stream down his face. "I did not look like a--"

"Hush up, you two!" Molly gave them her sternest look. "Don't you dare cry, Charlie. All newborns look like pink prunes, so did you and Bill and Perce."

Arthur turned away from his wife and looked down at Percy, who still stood by the door. "Percy, don't you want to see your new brothers?"

Percy shook his head. "Aw, come on, little tyke. You're a big brother now, just like Bill and Charlie!" Arthur bent over and picked him up. Percy, fidgeting in his father's arms, was gently placed on the bed next to his mum.

Percy leaned in and looked at his new brothers. He squinted his eyes and seemed to be examining them, taking it all in. After a while of this, he leaned away and looked at his mum with wide eyes. He said one thing:

"No."

Arthur and Molly gasped. They exchanged anxious glances and Molly asked, "No? Why no, Percy, dear?"

"No! I don't like them. Take them back!" Percy scrambled off the bed and scurried behind his dad.

Arthur patted his son's hair comfortingly and spoke to Molly, "I'm sure it's just a phase. He's not ready for this just yet. And to spring two on him, too. It's a little much for him, is all. He'll warm up to them soon enough."

Percy shook his head vigorously. "No! I don't like them! Take them back!"

Bill, seeing the need for a big-brother moment, walked up to Percy and wrapped an arm around him. "Don't worry, Perce. Being a big brother isn't that bad. You'll get to help them out and show them things. Like, how to throw the gnomes and when to hide the toy brooms from muggles!"

But Percy wriggled out of his brother's arm. "No! They'll be bad, bad boys! No!"

Bill stepped away from him and looked up at his dad. "Wasn't I this bad, too?"

"No, not as bad." Arthur replied distractedly. He lowered himself to Percy's height and looked at him with worried eyes.

"Maybe he's right. Maybe they will turn out to be bad boys." Charlie glanced at the twins nervously, as though they were already planning their next move.

"Don't be ridiculous. We can't know now. Besides, I'm sure they'll be splendid boys." Molly kissed the top of the twins' heads as she said it.

"So, what are their names?" Bill asked.

Molly smiled, glad someone had finally asked. "Fred and George." She replied, gazing down at them lovingly. "Their names are Fred and George Weasley."


	2. May 1st, 1978

**A/N: Thank you to all those who reviewed, faved, and alerted this story! I hope you all enjoy this next chapter.**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling, except the plot of this chapter, that's mine.**

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Babies sob, babies cry; It's up to us to know why

But it's harder than it looks

Mum has no clue; Dad doesn't know what to do

Twins are such trouble, who knew?

-----

May 1st, 1978.

It had been exactly one month since the twins were born. One month since the boys got the shock of not one new brother but two. About three weeks since they were first welcomed into the home they would grow up in. Three weeks since Percy asked his father, tearfully, if he'd have to give up his room. But that was three weeks ago. By now Percy was slowly but surely getting used to the idea of two younger brothers. He didn't demand them taken back to the hospital, at least.

It would've been a lot easier for him to warm up to his little brothers if they hadn't cried every single night since first arriving.

"Mum! They're at it again!" Bill said, bleary-eyed and standing next to his parents' bed. He spoke above the loud wailing from down the hall.

"We know, Bill, we know." Arthur replied with his face under his pillow.

"You go this time." Molly murmured.

"I went last time. Besides, I've got to get up early for work." Arthur said.

"I do everything else around this house! Taking care of three growing boys and two newborns! You can at least do this for me!" she glowered at her husband lying next to her.

"So long as one of you shuts them up, we don't care!" Charlie's voice yelled.

"Language, Charlie!" Arthur yelled back. He sat up and pushed his messy hair back. "Fine, I'll go see them."

Just as he left the bedroom Bill called out behind him, "And Percy's not in a good state, either!"

Questioning his sanity as to why he agreed to 'try for a girl' again after getting three sons, Arthur entered the nursery. Its light blue walls were grey in the dark and the window cast the shadows of two wriggling figures in cribs. They were practically screaming bloody murder.

Arthur hurried over to where the cribs were, standing side by side. Both the babies were crying, as always. He picked up the one on his left, Fred, he thinks, and gently rocks and soothes him. Fred's eyes drooped and his crying began to quiet down. Fred had finally stopped and was in his crib, Arthur picked up the still crying George. But as his crying slowed Fred started all over again, as always. Arthur groaned. He was still left with two wailing babies. He stayed up for an hour rocking and soothing them until they both fell asleep.

-----

"I'm dead on my feet." Arthur said at dinner the next day.

"I would've thought you'd have gotten used to it by now." Molly replied before using her wand to clean up the mashed corn baby food that George spilt. Dinner was always a noisy time in the Weasley household and only got noisier over the years. Talkative boys, a whining two year old and a pair of twins added up to a lot of decibels.

"It's only gotten worse. Today I was talking with Perkins about at charmed microwave when I said to him 'It's alright, daddy is here.'" He flushed red at the memory. "I was so tired I couldn't think straight!"

Molly nodded. "It wasn't easy with the other boys but it's twice as hard with two of them. But we'll just – PERCY WEASLEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THOSE BEETS?"

Percy froze with his fork laden with mashed beets halfway to Fred's cheek. "He flung it next to my seat and some of it splatted on me. I was just giving it back to him!"

Molly fumed. "You do not feed your brother food off the floor!" She flicked her wand and the mashed beets were in the garbage.

"But he throwed it at me!" Percy whined.

"He's a baby. He doesn't know better. And he didn't mean to get food on you." Molly replied.

Percy said, "Why do I have to sit next to him anyway? I wanna sit next to Bill and Charlie," he looked angrily at the gurgling child, "not with the babies!"

"Hey, it's worse sitting across from them. It's easier for them to chuck stuff at you that way." Bill pointed to the baby food splattered on the table in front of him. "They've got good aim but weak arms."

"Bill!" Arthur said, "Your brothers don't mean to hit you! They're young and don't know better!"

"Yeah, yeah. You've said it before. But I see the way those two look at me before flinging something else towards me."

Just then Charlie yawned loudly. "Manners!" Molly reprimanded.

"Sorry, mum. But I haven't got any sleep." Charlie rubbed his eyes. "Those two kept me up all night."

"They kept me up, too." Percy added, "I was dreaming about a big room with lots of shelves when they I got waked up by them!"

Arthur said, "Molly, we need to solve this. I can't function at work and these boys need their sleep."

Molly, who was wiping George's mouth, simply replied, "We'll figure it out tonight."

-----

Same time, same place, same two crying babies. This time, however, the whole family gathered around their cribs. Percy had his fingers in his ears to block out the noise and Charlie looked at them anxiously.

"They're so loud when they cry." Bill said, "Maybe because there are two of them."

"Well, we're here and they're crying." Arthur turned to his wife. "What do you suppose we do, then?" Molly gave him a look in reply.

"Who's who anyway?" Charlie asked.

Molly picked up a baby and rocked him back and forth. He quieted down almost immediately. "This is George. He calms down faster. But when his brother starts crying he will, too."

She placed him back down and picked up the other twin. He was moving his fat little arms and crying loudly. He only got a little quieter when Molly rocked him. "This is Fred. He's the loudest crier and usually cries first."

When his crying got to a reasonable level she placed him back. Charlie smiled in relief and Percy took his fingers out of his ears. But the two whimpering babies squirmed and began crying all over again.

"This always happens! They won't stop!" Percy clamped his hands back over his ears.

"Maybe they're hungry!" Charlie reasoned. "Isn't that why all babies cry?"

Arthur shook his head, "That's what we thought so too, until the just stopped drinking and kept on crying. It's something else!"

Bill turned to his mum, "Do something! Anything! Just make them stop!"

Molly's looked worriedly at the twins. "We've done everything we could ever since this first started! I don't know what else to do!"

"Everything?"

"We've fed them, changed them, changed the sheets, sang to them, read to them, and anything else we could think of! But they don't stop crying until many hours and sore arms later!"

By now the two new Weasleys were squirming and crying so loudly that Percy, in desperation and anger, cried out "Just push them together or something!"

Arthur looked down at his son, shocked. "What did you just say?"

"Just push them together. If they squirm around enough, one of them might hit the others off button and turn them off!"

Ignoring that last part, Arthur turned to his wife and said, "That just may work. Put them in the same crib and see what happens."

Molly gave him a confused look. "You don't actually think that they'll find the off switch or something, do you?"

Arthur gave her a pleading stare until a bulb turned on in her head. She lifted George out of his crib and placed him in Fred's. The family held their breaths. For a while they just kept crying but they soon seemed to notice each others presence. The crying dimmed down and the squirming stopped. Soon both boys were silent, their eyes closed and fast asleep.

Molly looked at her two boys. "It worked." She said in awe.

"It actually worked." Bill looked first at his dad then to Percy. "Your idea _actually_ worked."

Percy stared at the crib, wide-eyed. He said softly, "So there really is an off-button."

Arthur chuckled quietly and patted his son's hair. "No, there isn't one. But they still fell asleep."

"That's all it took," Molly murmured with tears in her eyes, "the comfort of their twin lying next to them."

Arthur wrapped an arm around his wife's shoulders. "It's their twin bond. They're a comfort to one another. That's all it took." He wiped a tear away from her eyes and told them, "Let's go, back to bed now!"

Bill and Charlie followed their parents, relieved at the silence, but Percy stayed behind. He stood by the crib on tip-toe and looked at his brothers. They were fast asleep lying close together.

"All they do is cry, eat food, throw food, barf and now sleep. They're no fun at all." He gazed almost longingly at the nearly touching heads, "But at least they've got each other."

With one last look he crept out of the room and back into bed.


	3. June 26th, 1979

**A/N: The third chapter is here! It's a little longer this time because I thought that it's about time the Weasley twins start to act more like themselves. Enjoy and please, review!**

**Disclaimer: All the Weasleys are not mine, but the plot for the chapter is.**

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Trouble is brewing; What are the twins doing?

To cause mischief and mayhem this time?

For at a year old; The truth is foretold

At what the future will hold

-----

June 26th, 1979

"Mum! I can't find my toy dragon anywhere!" Charlie Weasley yelled down the staircase.

"Have you checked the wash? Anything that was in your pockets should be in the basket!" his mum yelled back.

"It isn't there! Can you help me find it?"

Amidst the clang of pots and pans from the kitchen Molly replied, "I'm busy. I'll help you later, okay, sweetie?"

Charlie grunted in response. "I bet those two have got it."

Molly's head popped out from around the kitchen doorway. "Don't you go and blame your brothers for your carelessness!"

"I ain't blaming them!" Charlie replied, "They're always taking my stuff! I bet they've got it and I want it back!"

Molly sighed, knowing full well that Charlie was probably right. Even as infants, the true colours of the Weasley twins were starting to show. Although their late-night crying happened less and less, there were still signs of what was yet to come. At four months Fred and George stuck anything near them in their mouths, including Percy's favourite picture book. At six months they discovered their hands. They had great fun feeling things, holding things, and smacking their older brothers whenever they came near.

But now, two months after their first birthday, they weren't speaking. Usually babies began to say simple words at nine to twelve months, but Fred and George still hadn't said a thing. This worried Molly greatly, but the boys saw this as a blessing.

"You go check their room when they're finished napping. I'm sure it's around the house somewhere." She gave him a comforting smile and went back to her cooking. Arthur would be home soon, early for the first time in weeks, and she wanted to make him a special dinner.

She was sampling the stew when a crash and loud cries rang from upstairs. The twins were awake.

She marched out of the kitchen and yelled, "Charlie Weasley! I told you to check after they're done napping!"

"Geez, mum, I'm right here." Charlie said from the couch.

Molly blinked at him, shocked. "But then who's up there…?"

Another crash echoed through the house and Bill's voice screaming, "BLOODY HELL, HE'S GOT MY FINGER!"

Rushing up the stairs with Charlie at her heels, Molly burst into her youngest sons' room. Bill was standing at the center of the room, a quivering Percy clinging to his leg. Fred and George were both still in their cribs wide awake. George was crying loudly and Fred had Bill's finger trapped in his mouth.

"What is the meaning of this?" Molly boomed, "Why are you in their room? I finally got them down for a nap and now you've woken them up! Explain yourselves!"

Bill cowered back. As he tried to free his finger from Fred he responded, "It's because of Percy. He came up to me and asked me to come with him here!" He pulled his hand towards him but Fred would not let go.

"I wanted my book back!" Percy spoke loudly over George's crying, "But I was too little to get it, so I asked Bill."

"I thought that if I was really quiet and careful, I could come in and walk out. But this one," Bill glared at the brother on his leg, "dropped the book on one of their toys which woke them up."

Molly placed her hands to her hips and frowned at the two. "And why does Freddie have your finger in his mouth?"

Bill tried to free his finger once more. "Well, you see, the noise woke them up and they started crying. So, to make them stop, I--"

"He put his finger on Fred's mouth to say 'shh' and he bit it!" Percy interrupted, giggling.

"Oh, keep quiet!" Bill snapped. "It actually hurts! I think his teeth are coming in. And stop laughing!" he directed that last statement to Charlie, who was doubled over in laughter.

"For goodness sake," Molly walked over to the crib and patted Fred's hair. "Let go of Bill's finger, now sweetie. It's all right, mummy is right here. Just open your mouth."

Fred finally released Bill's finger, which he had drool and saliva all over it. "Ugh! Nasty! It's got baby germs all over it!"

He fell silent when Molly gave him a stern look. She hurried to the still wailing George and picked him up. "Shh, mummy's here. It's alright, they were just your brothers." She cooed. George quieted down to sniffling and hiccups as he was placed next to Fred.

Once the twins were calm she turned on the two boys, the soft look gone from her eyes. "As punishment for waking up your brothers, you will both have to take care of them when I have Mrs. Simmons over for tea tomorrow. That means feeding them, changing their diapers, and putting them down for their nap."

The room erupted with noise once more as Bill and Percy complained loudly about their punishment and Charlie's laughter.

"But mummy! I can't reach the changing table and I don't wanna!" Percy whined.

"But he's two years old! It's like I'd be taking care of three babies!" Bill reasoned.

"Hey!" Percy cried, "I'm two and a half!"

But Molly was firm. "You two are taking care of them and that's that! It'll teach you responsibility. Besides, who fed them coffee ice cream before their nap time?" Percy blushed and looked at his feet. "It won't be that hard. You two just need to feed them and get them to sleep."

"Now come down stairs for a bit of a snack." She scooped up Fred and George and left an irritable Bill, sad-faced Percy and laughing Charlie.

"Aha ha! You two will have to – ha ha – take care of the babies – he he – oh boy, you are in for it!" Charlie gasped between fits of laughter.

Bill, his pride bruised by his younger brother getting out of this punishment, leaned in close and said, "I heard you were looking for that toy dragon of yours?"

Charlie abruptly stopped laughing. "Oh no…"

Bill slowly made his way to the door. He paused at the door frame and said, "You may want to look under George's crib. I reckon that he was playing with it before putting it away in his 'pocket'." Smiling mischievously, he exited the room.

Charlie stood there open-mouthed for a minute before diving under the crib. Percy stood behind him and crinkled his nose when Charlie extracted a small, poo-encrusted toy dragon. "George…"

-----

"Oh, and don't forget that Fred prefers the apple flavour and George likes pumpkin. Make sure they finish _all_ of their food before you hand them the bottle. And for goodness sake, if they spit up clean it up! They're your own flesh and blood!"

Molly placed her tea set down on the living room table and ignored Bill rolling his eyes. She had just finished giving Bill and Percy their instructions on how to take care of the twins while she was having tea with her friend. Needless to say, they were less than thrilled.

"Yeah, yeah. We've got it, mum." Bill said. "I'll take care of it."

Percy puffed out his thin chest and grinned up at his mum. "I'll take care of it, too mummy! I'll make sure that they eat and sleep and don't make any trouble!"

Molly smiled at him and patted his hair affectionately. "Thank you, dear. I'm sure you'll do a good job, t--" someone knocked on the door and Molly jumped, "oh, she's here already! Well, off you two go!"

Muttering to himself, Bill headed to the bedroom with Percy in a tow. "I can't believe we've got to take care of them. It'll be like taking care of two baby monkeys! This isn't punishment, this is child labor."

They entered the room and found the twins in one crib playing with their building blocks. Bill strode over to them, picked one up and handed him to Percy. "Here, you can take this one." He said, picking up the other.

"Who's this?" Percy asked, holding the baby up by its armpits.

"I'm pretty sure that one's George." Bill answered. "And don't hold him like that!"

He led the way down the stairs, past the giggling women and into the kitchen. Sitting at the table was Charlie, a smirk on his face.

"Lunch time?" he asked.

Bill replied, "I'm supposed to look after the twins, not you, too."

"Hey!" Percy said indignantly, "_We're_ 'apposed to take care of 'em."

"How could I forget?" Bill gently placed Fred on his high chair and took George from Percy.

"Ah, mum left us some sandwiches anyway," Charlie said. "She also left this for you two." He nodded to a thick book on the counter. Percy practically ran to it in excitement.

"What's it say?" he asked, squinting at the cover. Bill looked over his shoulder at the book. The original title (_Babysitting Instructions_) was crossed out and below it was written in scratchy writing: _How to Properly Care for your Twin Brothers and Live to Tell the Tale_.

Bill glared at his brother. "Nice, very funny." He nudged the book to the side and searched the cupboards for food.

"I wanna know what it says!" Percy cried out, upset that he had been ignored.

"I'll tell you," Bill handed Percy two plastic bowls, "after we feed them. You want to show mummy how good a helper you are, right?"

Percy lit up and nodded excitedly. "Yeah! I'm gonna make mummy proud and do a really, really good job!"

"It'll be harder than it looks." Warned Bill.

"But I'll do a good job! I'm ready!" Percy replied while setting the bowls in front of the twins.

Alas, no one could ever truly be ready for Fred and George. The minute the food was set in front of them mashed turnips and carrots were flying all over the place. Bill bravely snatched the spoon from George and tried to feed him. This worked for a bit until Fred hit him in the eye with his own spoon.

After finally getting enough food in their mouths and cleaning up the kitchen all they had left to do was put them to bed. But just as Bill was placing Fred into his crib ("They'll fall asleep, and it'll all be over.") a foul smell crept into the air.

"Ugh!" Bill exclaimed. "What is that smell?"

"Wasn't me!" Percy said at once.

Bill frowned. He had a feeling he knew where it was coming from, but he was hoping… He held Fred up to him and cautiously took a whiff. "Ack! It is him!"

"Ewwwww! George smells bad, too!" Percy held the baby away from himself.

Charlie chose that moment to stride past the room. "Hey, how's it going so fa—oh, _gross_! What's that smell?"

He took one look at the cringing Bill and Percy holding George away and broke out laughing. "Ahaha! They pooped! And not just one, but both! This must be a gift from Merlin!"

"Oh, shut up, Charlie!" Bill snapped. "C'mon, Perce, we've gotta change them."

Percy looked at his oldest brother with wide, shocked eyes. "No, I don't want to! I'm too…uh…little!"

"You weren't too little to 'read' _Hogwarts, a History_." Bill scoffed. "So you aren't too little to help me with this."

Whimpering, Percy ambled over to the changing table where Bill had already lay Fred on. They sucked in a deep breath and removed the diaper. The stench was terrible, smelling of mouldy cheese and simply plain crap that made their eyes water. Even Charlie, all the way out in the hall, was feeling a little nauseated.

"Gyak! Merlin's tightest robes, that smell is unbelievable!" Bill gagged.

"Change 'im, change 'im fast!" said Percy while pinching his nose.

Bill hurriedly chucked the diaper in the garbage and Percy fumbled with the powder and wipes before handing them to him. After that he was handed a clean diaper and put it on tight. They were finally able to breathe in. The boys took a great gulp of air before gagging again.

"I can still smell it!" cried Percy.

Bill carried Fred back to the crib and picked up a crying George. "Yeah, because this one's still got some turd in his diaper. C'mon."

They took another deep breath and removed the diaper. The same foul stench filled the air. This time Percy was ready with the equipment. Before long George was powdered and wiped clean. "Just the diaper, then!" Bill said excitedly. Percy handed him a clean diaper but just before he got it on George…

"AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Downstairs, Molly and Mrs. Simmons jumped out of their seats. "What in heaven's name…"

Molly sighed. "That's my oldest, Bill, yelling. Excuse me, but I've got to go and see what's going on."

Inside the nursery Bill was screaming and running back and forth frantically. Charlie, who had stayed just by the door, was on the ground rolling around laughing. And little Percy was standing well away from his brothers and the changing table.

"That little brat!" Bill was screaming. "I can't believe it! After I took the diaper off _and_ finished cleaning him! He had the nerve to pee on me!"

"Some of it hit me, too!" Percy wailed.

"Are you kidding me? Who was the one standing right in his line of fire? And you!" he glared at his laughing brother "This isn't funny!"

"There's still…hahahaha…some on your…ahahahaha….sh-shirt!" Charlie laughed.

"Shut up!" Bill turned to look at George, still naked and giggling on the changing table. "I can't believe you did this! After all I did for you, you ungrateful little--"

"William Arthur Weasley!" came Molly from the doorway. "Complete that sentence and you can spend the rest of your summer de-gnoming the garden!"

"Sorry mum, but look!" he pointed to his wet shirt. "He peed on me!"

Walking over to the changing table, Molly replied, "He's just a baby! It's not like he did on purpose, anyway!"

"Are you kidding me? Of course he did! That kid has good aim!" Bill said.

Molly looked at him angrily. "William! You will not blame your baby brothers for anything! You are the eldest and should be a better role-model!"

"Mum, you can't honestly expect me to keep my cool when I get freakin' peed on!"

Giving him her most terrifying look, she yelled "Young man, I expect you to use decent language not only around all your younger brothers but towards everyone you meet! I wouldn't be surprised if the young ones picked up on your habit!"

"I don't use bad words…" Percy muttered from the corner.

"Of course you don't, sweetie." Molly smiled warmly at him. "But the twins are still very young! They haven't even spoken yet!"

Bill groaned. "I don't think their first words will be 'bloody hell'."

"It just very well may be!"

While they were bickering, Fred and George (who was back in the crib with his brother) sat quietly, listening. It was true, that neither had spoken yet. It was true that they were usually around for Bill's potty mouth or the occasional swear heard on the radio. In fact, it was not uncommon for them to hear at least one piece of foul language a week.

But of course, that's not all they hear.

So while their mother and brother were arguing, Fred and George listened carefully and watched their lips move, forming every word.

"Only nine years old and the language you use!"

"I don't swear that much! Besides, it's only when I'm really angry!"

"Around the twins!"

"It isn't that bad! I could say worse things."

"You had better not, Bill, or you will be severely punished."

"I won't! I don't even use 'bad language' around the twins that often anyway."

"I'd prefer you stop using it all together, not only away from those two!"

"Twins!"

"Yes, the twins!"

"What? I didn't say anything."

"But of course you--" Molly paused mid-sentence. Her eyes widened, the gears grinding in her head. Everyone else in the room, even Charlie and Mrs. Simmons in the hallway, stopped moving. Then slowly, all at once, they turned their heads to the crib.

Fred and George stared back at them all, grinning like two little boys who have just discovered something great. Fred opened his mouth again.

"Twins!"

Molly gasped. She wobbled over to the crib and reached in to pull him out. She looked her son directly in the eye and said "Did you just speak, honey?" Fred grinned toothlessly back at her.

Bill walked over and looked at George. He poked him in the nose and asked him "Do you have anything to say, little man?"

George gave him a smile identical to his brother's. He reached his arms up to him and, just like his brother, opened his mouth wide.

"Two!"

Mrs. Simmons entered the room to pat her friend's back. Molly's eyes filled with tears. "Twins and two!" she murmured. "What a thing for them to say!"

"Two! Two! Two!" George gurgled in Bill's arms.

"They're twin words." Percy looked at his younger brothers with awe.

Molly smiled. "That's right, twin words. Special words for special boys."

As everything had a warm and cozy feel, Charlie fell to his knees and groaned. "No! Now that they can talk, they'll _never_ shut up!"

How right he was.


	4. March 1st, 1980

**A/N: Finally, the next chapter is up. I hope you all like this one now that the twins can talk a little (I imagine their voices to be high-pitched and their words just barely understandable). So enjoy and I'd much appreciate if you would review!**

**Disclaimer: The Weasleys and setting belong to JK Rowling. **

xxxXXXxxxXXXxxxXXXxxxXXXxxxXXXxxxXXXxxxXXXxxxXXXxxxXXXxxx

When you thought five was a lot; The Weasley's thought not

For Molly was pregnant once more

Now another one; You all ought to run

This is bound to be fun

-----

March 1st, 1980

Arthur Weasley stood at the top of the stairs. He was stressed and tired; his glasses were askew, a large bag dangled from this arm and his robes were wrinkled and stained, as though he had been too busy to change. There were bags under his eyes and fine lines of wrinkles marked his face. He called "Fred! George! Come out here this instance!"

He scanned the hallway and spotted two heads peering out from behind a door. The heads disappeared at once. "I've seen you. Now get here this instant!"

Two identical redheaded boys came out of the room. One was wearing a robe several sizes too large for him and the other appeared to have stuffed a pillow down his shirt.

"Look daddy!" George said. "I'm mummy! See, look, my tummy's big like hers!" he patted the pillow and beamed at his dad.

"And I'm you, daddy!" Fred added. "But your robe is too big. And I was gonna use Percy's glasses but he didn't let me, even when I said that wouldn't bite him no more."

Before Arthur could ask when Fred had ever bitten his brother, a groan followed by a yell echoed through the house, "ARTHUR WEASLEY. YOU WILL GET DOWN HERE WITH THE TWINS THIS MINUTE OR HAVE YOUR NEW CHILD BORN IN THE LIVING ROOM!"

"Sweet Merlin! We've got to go boys! No, leave those on, we have no time!" He ushered them down the stairs and joined the rest of the family. Molly stood in the middle of the room, her stomach jutting out with the defined curve of pregnancy. She was breathing heavily and clutching her stomach. Bill, Charlie, and Percy stood around her looking worried.

"Bill! Hold on to Fred! And Charlie, you hold George!" Arthur called over his shoulder, half-way out the door with Molly at his side.

"Wha' about da floo, daddy?" George asked, struggling to keep the pillow under his shirt.

"Your mum can't floo right now, sweetie. We're taking the car." Arthur patted Molly's back. "Just hold on, dear, we'll get you there."

"Yeah, mum, you've done it four times already! And once with twins!" Bill said.

At that point Molly groaned and grimaced. "Doesn't seem to make the fifth time any better." Charlie commented.

"Boys, I know you're trying to help but it really isn't." Arthur said, helping Molly into the car. "Now get in, quickly!"

"Daddy, why's mummy yelling?" Fred asked, pulling up his robes. "Is she hurt? Is that why we're taking her to the 'ospital?" he looked ready to cry.

"Mummy's not hurt, Freddie, sweetie. I'm fine." Molly smiled at him comfortingly before wincing again.

"You don't look fine!" Fred cried.

"Then why are we goin' to the hospital?" George demanded.

"She's gonna have spells put on her to make her feel better, ain't she?"

"Naw, they're gonna take her arm off and give her a stronger one so she can hit us harder!"

"They're gonna deflate her tummy!"

"What'll come out?"

"All the food that she ated!"

Percy pushed up his new glasses and scowled at the two. "Food won't come out of her tummy. A baby will!" he said, irritated.

Fred and George looked at him, each other, and then at their father with wide eyes. "But daddy, how--"

Just at that moment Molly let out another groan of pain. "Okay! Time to go!" Arthur hastily slammed the door, put the car in gear and sped away to St. Mungo's.

-----

Charlie was curled up in his chair playing with a small figurine on a broom. Percy sat next to him with his nose in a book and eyes focused on the words on the page. Bill sat opposite them, taking the big-brother role once again by watching over his younger brothers. Between looking at the corridor for his father and helping Percy with whatever word he had difficulty with, he was out of his chair chasing down Fred and George.

"Don't touch that! Oi, don't go up there, either! Don't make me call dad!"

Fred and George sat on top of a broken hospital bed. George stuck out his tongue and said "You can't tell dad! He's with mummy now and can't come! Haha!"

Bill attempted to pull them off the bed but Fred just moved away. Both twins laughed. "I said get off!"

The twins smiled their smile – charming yet suspicious – and nodded. "Okay!" They hopped off the bed and stood in front of their brother. Bill sighed in relief and was just about to grab them before receiving a sharp kick to the shins. He fell to the ground in pain and the twins giggled. "We gotcha!"

"Why, you little monsters!" Bill roared and got up, glaring at the two year olds. "Dad's not here, but you should be afraid of me!"

The twins stopped laughing abruptly. They looked at their eldest brother's eyes and saw that he wasn't joking. With screams of terror, they took off with Bill charging after them. They ran around the waiting room, knocking over a decorative plant and nearly running into a heavily bandaged wizard.

"Just you wait!" Bill yelled at them, "When I get you two I'm going to tie you down to a chair and--" Suddenly he felt a sharp tug at the collar of his shirt. He stopped and turned around to see a mediwitch pointing her wand at him.

"No running in the corridors!" she said. She pointed her wand at the two twins and they stopped as well. "This is a hospital, not a field for you to play in!"

She herded them back to their seats and gave them a stern talking to. "I know you guys have been waiting for a long time, but you have to be patient and not get rowdy. Now where are your parents?"

"Our mum's having a baby." Charlie answered. "Dad's with her and told us to wait here quietly."

"Yeah, and he told us not to break nothing too!" George grinned at her.

The mediwitch's gaze softened and she gave them a warm smile. She was a big woman with large arms and legs. Her hair was dark brown and in a bun at the back of her neck. When she smiled it gave her a motherly sort of look, unlike before when she looked bossy and commanding.

"Aw, and you two are how old?" she cooed at the twins.

"We're two but turning three in one whole month!" Fred said.

The mediwitch patted his head and told them, "Well, you two are going to be big brothers soon, aren't you? Then you'll have a baby brother or sister to take care of!"

"It'll be a sister!" George said. "Mummy's been wantin' one so it's gotta be one now!"

The mediwitch chuckled. "Well then, you'll have to be good big brothers to her, then. Set an example for her! Now if you need any help while you're waiting just ask for Auntie Carol and I'll come and help you."

"We will, Auntie!" Percy said, looking up from his book.

Auntie Carol gave him a fond smile and turned to leave. But two gentle tugs at the hem of her robe caught her attention. Fred and George had followed her and were looking at her with an almost timid expression.

"Um, Auntie, we were just wonderin'…" Fred began.

"We just wanted to know…" George continued

"How do babies--"

A pounding of footsteps came from around the corner. Arthur Weasley came into view, tired but with a smile on his face. "Boys! Come and see the newest addition to our family!"

"Well, I guess it's time for you to meet your new brother or sister!" Auntie Carol gave them a nudge towards their father and waved them goodbye. Bill rushed over and grabbed their hands, pulling them to where mother and child were waiting.

-----

It was the same small room as last time. The mediwitches had joked that Molly was in here so often that she may as well have owned the room. The large bed had been placed near a window where you could see the muggles rushing about on the street. Propped up on the bed were Molly and a small bundle wrapped in a blue material.

"It's another boy?" Charlie asked, gaping at the baby.

Molly nodded. "Another brother for you boys."

"I swore that it was going to be a girl." Bill whispered.

The Weasleys had gathered around the bed making the already small room cramped. Fred and George were elbowing each other for more room and Arthur had to pull them apart.

"He may not be a girl, but he's still a beautiful child." Arthur gazed at the baby. "He'll do great things."

Charlie leaned in closer and looked at his new brother. He reached out and gently stroked his arm. "Yeah, he's pretty cute. Still a bit like a prune, though."

"Here, Perce, wanna see the baby?" Bill lifted Percy up and sat him on the bed next to his mum and the baby.

Percy reached out and carefully nudged the baby's arm. The newborn shifted a little but otherwise stayed still. Molly kissed his head and told him, "Another younger brother! Take care of him, too, okay?" Percy nodded, remaining silent.

"We wanna see!" Fred cried. "We wanna see!"

"Alright, alright." Bill helped Percy down and placed Fred and George in his place.

After careful examination of their new brother (a few gentle pokes and a close look at his face) the twins turned to their mum and asked, "Where's the girl?"

"You didn't get a sister but a new brother!" Molly answered.

George pouted. "You said we was going to have a sister."

"Well mummy and daddy were just guessing and we guessed wrong. But you have a little brother now!" Arthur gave them an encouraging smile.

"But mummy wanted a girl." Fred said. "She said she wanted a girl."

"But I love my new son just as much." Molly gave the baby a gentle squeeze. "He's a lovely boy and will grow up to be a fine man."

Fred and George looked at each other for a moment. As though they had read each other's thoughts, they nodded, hopped off the bed and walked over to the door.

"Fred! George! Where are you going?" Arthur asked, startled.

"C'mon! You gotta hurry," George replied, "We're gonna return the baby and get a girl!"

"Yeah, they may run out so we's gotta be fast!" Fred motioned for them to follow.

Percy snorted. "And you thought that I was bad…"

Arthur sighed. "I'll handle this." He followed Fred and George to the corridor and told them to stop just outside the door. He crouched down to their level and said, "I want you boys to listen very closely. You two are big brothers now. You're not the youngest anymore. So now you have to take on more responsibility – doing more things to help out – and be a good example for your brother. He'll look up to you two. You have to take care of him and be nice. Okay?" the twins nodded.

He got up and held their hands. The three walked back into the room together and Arthur even let them sit on the bed to see their brother again. This time they sat quietly for a long while.

Fred broke the silence by saying in a hushed voice, "We gonna take care of you."

"'Cause you're our brother." George said. "And we gotta look out for each other."

Molly wiped a tear away from her eye but more came out. She wrapped and arm around the twins and sobbed "My boys, my boys…" The other Weasley brothers moved in closer and reached out to whatever part of their mom they could reach and patted her comfortingly.

After the long and happy moment they moved away to give the baby more air. It was at that moment that Fred and George turned to their dad and asked quickly as to not be cut off again:

"How did the baby get into mummy's tummy?"

A long and awkward silence followed.

"Well, er, you see…" Arthur babbled.

"What your father is trying to say, dears, is that…well…" Molly searched for words.

Fred and George looked at them curiously. Even Bill and Charlie looked at their parents, waiting for an answer. "So? How?"

"They come from the great hippogriff!" a voiced piped up. Everyone turned and saw Percy looking very smug for a four year old. Making sure he had everyone's attention he continued, "The great hippogriff comes to the houses whenever mums want to have a baby."

"And they give them the baby?" Fred asked, awed.

"No! It bumps her on the tummy with its head and that makes it grow big, like a lump after you hit it. Then the lump grows bigger and bigger because a baby grows in there now because of all the food mummy eats. It was the great hippogriff's magic!"

"Then how does the baby get out of the tummy?" George demanded.

"When the baby is all nice and full and wants to come out we bring mummy here and the mediwitches do some really, really hard magic and poof! The baby comes out!" Percy finished with his hands in the air for dramatic effect. He put them down and smiled proudly at everyone in the room.

Fred and George looked from Percy to the baby. Their faces clearly showed their awe and amazement at what they just heard. The little baby had come from a bump in the stomach from the great hippogriff!

"Percy, sweetie, where did you hear that story?" Molly asked, wondering where on earth her son could've found out such a thing.

"I read it in a book." He answered simply.

"What was the book called?" Arthur asked.

"Uncle Bilius gave it to me. _The Magic of the World: Children's Edition._"

Arthur shook his head. "Bilius, Bilius. I remember that book. Yes, it's a very Bilius thing to give."

Molly smiled at her Percy, relieved that she didn't need to answer the question. "Thank you, Percy, for answering your brothers. You'll have to explain it to little Ron here when he gets older."

"Ron?" Charlie asked. "Is that his name?"

"Ronald Bilius Weasley, actually." Arthur grinned. "Let's hope he doesn't end up too much like Uncle Bilius."

Fred looked back at his baby brother and said in a soft voice, "Welcome to the world, Ron."


End file.
